


Tony Needs Gary

by EllOnWheels



Series: The Hilarious Crackhouse of Frightenstein [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gary the production truck guy, Gen, Humor, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Iron Man 3, Pre-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, obscure iron man 3 characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 03:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13472892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllOnWheels/pseuds/EllOnWheels
Summary: Tony wakes up to some horrible prospective advertising for Stark Industries... Fortunately, he already knows the hero who can save him from this fate.





	Tony Needs Gary

**Author's Note:**

> So I swear to fuck I was working on Tintype... And then THIS... Just, sort of happened? I don't even know. Even as I was writing it, I KNEW it didn't belong in the story proper... But I was so amused by the idea of it, I just kept going. Anyway, this is going in my crack!fic series, because honestly... what even is this?

Tony woke up on the last morning he was going to spend in the penthouse. Stark Tower had been sold, and the offices dispersed. There were steady leasers, and they would be staying on for the most part, which made Tony happy for the new owners. Even if they were a faceless conglomerate. Happy came up, his itinerary for the day on his tablet. He was overseeing the move, and was ready for the day, but seemed easy to be convinced by Tony to sit down with him at the table and have some breakfast. Happy helped himself to an egg, some toast, and coffee from the cart.

They watched the news, and Tony checked the overnight stock prices and his email. The two chatted amiably until Tony bawled at his Stark Tab and Happy instantly went on high alert mode. “What the hell, Tony?” Happy asked.

“Potts calls this promo video?! What the hell is this?!” Tony shouted and slid the tablet across the table to Happy. Happy’s face fell into a thoroughly irritated expression, but he looked down at the tablet none the less. The video was in black and white, shot in some Italian palazzo, there were women in billowing dresses, and the only object in colour, and seemingly worshiped by the actors, was a Starkphone.

“Oh, oh god,” Happy said, crinkling his nose.

“FRIDAY? Where is Potts? Is she up?” Tony asked.

“Not a fan of the test footage then, boss?” FRIDAY asked, her tone teasing. “I told Ms. Potts that hiring a production company that specializes in fragrance ads was a bad idea.”

“Bless your silicone soul,” Tony replied.

“Ms. Potts is still on the west coast, and is not awake yet,” FRIDAY supplied.

“When Ms. Potts is awake, and after she's had breakfast and at least two cups of coffee, please inform her that I am pulling my monthly allotted Micro-Managing Veto on this. Tell her that I will find a suitable replacement team on my own, and all final say will be subject to hers and the board’s approval,” Tony said.

“Will do, boss,” FRIDAY said.

“Also, I need you to track down someone in JARVIS’ old contacts file,” Tony said.

“Who would that be, boss?” FRIDAY asked.

“His name is Gary. Couldn’t tell you his last name, but he is local to Tennessee, or he was when the whole Mandarin fiasco was going down. He works in TV production. I’m offering him a job doing practical production of glamour shots of new Stark tech with emphasis on showing off actual features of the product, combined with 3D rendered animation. He can work out of New York or California, whichever his mother will let him, because I think he looks after her. Compensation will be offered for permanent relocation, including any dependents he may have. Create the position with H.R., and please inform them that I have handpicked the candidate... And, can you get him on the phone for me?” Tony asked.

“Found him. Calling now, boss,” FRIDAY said, a little bewildered.

“Mmm, hello?” a voice full of sleep said. Happy was holding back laughter. He’d seen Tony do this before, to himself included.

“Hi, Gary,” Tony said. “It’s Tony. Can you turn on the video conferencing option on your Starkphone? I know you have one.”

“Tony? Huh?” Gary said. FRIDAY patched the call through to video, and brought up the holographic display. It showed a man in bed, with half-open eyes. He’d changed his facial hair, thank fuck, and he looked like he’d grown up a bit.

“Tony needs Gary,” Tony said slowly. Gary blinked and then all of a sudden realized who he was looking at.

“What?!” he asked, sitting up.

“Stark Industries is in need of an in-house video production team for promotional purposes. I’m vetoing Potts’ current choice. You interested?” Tony asked.

“Hell yes,” Gary said, now awake but utterly astonished.

“Okay, FRIDAY, show him the godawful thing Potts sent me.” Tony could still see Gary’s reaction and his horrified expression was all the proof that Tony needed.

“Oh fuck, why? It’s a cellphone, not perfume... It doesn’t even show what’s new about it,” Gary said once it was over. Tony fist pumped the air and grinned at Happy.

“See?” Tony said to Happy. “Gary here is our target market, aren’t you Gary?”

“Yes, sir,” Gary said enthusiastically.

“Can you make the new phone look cool?”

“I’ve basically been preparing for this my whole career,” Gary said.

“And he thinks I’m awesome, so it’s a win-win for me,” Tony said to Happy. “Hey Gary, show Happy your tattoo.”

“Uh... I had it changed,” Gary admitted. “It’s still, you know... recognizable, but I added to it.”

“Well now we both have to see it,” Tony said and grinned. Gary shrugged and turned the phone to his inner forearm. The outline that was sort of Tony’s face was still there, but now it appeared to be winking. The face was surrounded by the Iron Man helmet, though the face plate was up. The head sat on the body of a tabby kitten. Tony recognized the kitten from a .gif of him with various photos of his smiling face stuck on the head of the kitten. The meme hadn’t exactly gone viral, but it was close enough that fans like Gary knew about it. Curled around the kitten were the words _"WARMACHINEROX with an X, all caps"_ above it, and _"That is... SO much better than Iron Patriot."_ under it.

Tony’s face lit up and he legitimately guffawed, nearly spilling his coffee. “That is a goddamn masterpiece! You’re hired!” Tony shouted. Gary just held the phone up to show his face again, an astonished smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Gary, I already know his story... He has a nice boy that he probably wants to marry, and make an honest man out of, but he feels bound to help his mom, because his asshole brother sure as hell ain't gonna do it... So he stays at the local station, because it's what he can reasonably do while looking after her and seeing his fella in the city on the weekend... And then Tony comes along and makes it better. I like to think that Tony randomly does shit like this for people.
> 
> Also that RDJ/kitten .gif gives me life every time I see it.


End file.
